Who are YOU this Christmas?

Do you ever struggle with being who you are versus being what others want or expect you to be? (Or maybe what you think others want you to be?)

We probably all struggle with this to some degree. I know I do. But over the past few months I've realized that this is exactly what God wants me to let go of. And what better time, than Christmas time, to share with you who I am right now?! This is a time of year when people either walk around with a perpetual smile on their face, pretending that life is peachy OR they run around frazzled, stressed out, and trying to find the perfect presents to please everyone on their list, OR they drown themselves in their sorrows, reflecting on the past year, wishing for more and dreaming about a life that looks a lot different than the one they have.

Do you fall into any of those categories?

-pretending to be something/someone you're not?

-trying way too hard to please others?

-throwing yourself a gigantic pity party and wishing away your life?

I have probably fit into every one of those categories at some point in my life! (Except that Christmas shopping really is fun for me! It's the only time I get to use a credit card and I love it! That's probably another issue for another day!)

So, back to my point.

Who am I this Christmas?

For starters, I'm a sap.

Yep, I'm a tradition loving, family time craving, genuine sentimental sap!

I spend a lot of time thinking about memories and figuring out how to create new ones.

I like to do things as close to the way they have always been done as I possibly can.

I love to be with family (both mine and Shaun's).

And I treasure every little holiday moment because to me, it's precious time.

What else? Well, I'm a Santa lover!

 You heard it right. I love Santa Claus! He's jolly and cute and kind and based on real men who loved Jesus and loved others. Maybe that's why this year it is killing me that NO ONE in my house believes in Santa Claus! We did our best to hang on last year but this year we had to tell the truth. The conversation went something like this:

Hayes: "Mommy, is Santa real?"

Me: "Well, what do you think?"

Hayes: "I don't think he is real. But I want you to tell me the truth."

Me:(ugh) "Why don't you think so?"
Hayes: "I don't know. I just don't believe it. So tell me. I really want to know. Is there really a Santa Claus?"

And since Shaun and I had decided that we would never flat out lie to our child, I had to tell the truth. But I told him about the real St. Nicholas that lived long ago and that the stories are still alive and well and fun to pretend.

Me: "Hayes, do you still want to pretend? (please say yes, please say yes!)"

Hayes: "Yes!"

whew!

And what a pretender he is!

 That would be Santa in a North Face toboggan, riding "Rudolph" to deliver presents all over our living room. I'll spare Shaun by leaving out the picture of him pretending to be the "sleeping child" waiting on Santa's arrival. :)

 

Now before I move on I want to say something to all of my friends with Santa believing children.... DON'T freak out! We've had some loooong talks about keeping the truth about Santa a secret. We've even practiced his reply if someone asks whether or not he believes (because he was worried about lying)....."Santa is awesome!!"

And he came up with his own conclusion (which we have not discouraged) that if he told a child the truth about Santa, they might just punch him in the nose! I think the secret is safe!

What else do you need to know about me this Christmas?

I'm a needy person.

Not the type that likes to suck the life out of others. Goodness, I hope I'm not that type of needy! No, I'm talking about the fact that I NEED Jesus. Because more than I love Santa, I love my savior and I'm realizing every day how much I need him!

Now I'm well aware of the fact that I just gave you the perfect Christmas time response. You know, the one about me loving and needing Jesus. But I'm telling you from the bottom of my heart that I mean it! More than ever, I realize that I am weak (and that's ok!), that I can't do anything on my own and that each and every day I need Jesus for the air I breathe, for patience with my family, and for JOY in my heart. So this Christmas, I'm claiming to be needy and I'm clinging to Jesus. And to tell you the truth, there is no where else I would rather be!

I am also longing. And if I didn't tell you this, I'd be lying.

I'm well aware of the fact that this is our 3rd Christmas in this adoption process and that there is still not a fourth stocking hanging on our mantle. And while part of me wants to yell out, "For Pete's sake, haven't we waited long enough!?" The other part of me is learning to rest in the work that God is doing. "Learning" is the key word there. I haven't mastered it and that's ok. I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all? And I'm about to tell you something REALLY crazy!
 

I'm thankful for where I am right now.

That doesn't mean that I wouldn't rather have a house full of children because I would! I'd love nothing more than to wake up on Christmas morning with a rowdy crew of 4 or 5 children (hopefully some of those Santa believing and ALL of those Jesus believing!) jumping on top of me ready to start the day. That sounds dreamy (in a very crazy and non-restful sort of way!:)

But what I mean is that spiritually speaking I am thankful for where I am and in those terms I wouldn't want it any other way.

Broken....that's me.

Needy....that's me.

Learning to be joyful no matter what (and I said JOYFUL, not happy).....that's me!

So even more than being a "tradition loving, family time craving, genuine sentimental sap" this Christmas, I'm claiming to be a broken, needy, Jesus loving, mixing sorrow with joy figuring outer, child of the King!

And that leads me to my last point about myself, I promise!

This Christmas I am ok with being misunderstood.
I'm ok if my little family does things differently from another family.
I'm ok if I get a little teary while everyone else is jolly.
I'm ok if you all think that I'm weird because I say that I'm needy. :)
I'm ok if people don't understand why we would wait for so long for this child.
And I'm 100% ok with our world (which has become quite dark) knowing that I love Jesus!

Because this Christmas I am confident in Christ. I am confident in how he loves me. And I am confident that He is at work in my heart. And frankly, that just frees me up to be who I am and to love others for who they are.

Being misunderstood.
As long as you are in Christ, that's a good place to be!


And I can't close this out without mentioning the tragedy that took place in our country last Friday. I had actually started writing this post and planned to finish it up in the afternoon. But then I heard the news and became too distracted write.

So in light of what I just wrote and in reference to this gruesome tragedy, I just have to say:
 Be misunderstood!  Make up your mind, as a Christian, to be misunderstood!
Life on this earth is precious and brief and not without purpose. And that purpose is to love and serve Christ by loving and serving others. Even when it's hard. Even when it looks strange. Even when you are misunderstood by the watching world.
John 15:12 "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you."
1 John 4:11-12 "Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

So this Christmas, put away your pride, your judgement and your insecurities and just LOVE!
Love your family and your friends. And hold them extra tight.
And be secure and confident in who you are in Christ, so that you can be free to love those around you who might not be so easy to love. The world is watching and our world needs to see Jesus. So let them see Him in YOU!

Have a Merry Christmas!